BETTER BEHAVIOR Table of Contents

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xi    Preface

xii   Introduction

Chapter 1.  Building Skills

3    Many Influences

4    Beyond “No”

5    The Five Core Skills

5    Understanding Feelings

13  Communication

18  Flexibility

23  Respect

29  Problem Solving

36  Joint Problem Solving & Behavior Issues

37  The Basic Steps for Joint Problem

Solving a Behavior Incident

39  Using the Core Skills to Solve Any Problem

39  The Core Skills and Parents

42  Chapter Summary

Chapter 2.  The Two Arms of Parenting: Exploring the

Empathy Arm

45  The Empathy Arm

49  The Skill of Empathy

50  Reading Emotion

52  Narration

55  Validation

56  The Open Channel

62  Chapter Summary

Chapter 3.  The Authority Arm

65  Comfort with Conflict

68  The Value of Protest

70  Authority in Balance

73  Chapter Summary

Chapter 4.  Maintaining Balance

78  Your Parenting Training—Filling in the Gaps

81  Your Parenting Legacy

82  Self-Care

86  Couple Care

88  Working Together

98  Chapter Summary

Chapter 5.  The Role of Temperament

110  Temperament Combinations

112  Temperament & the Stress Response

115  Temperament & Social Roles

116  Your Own Temperament

119  Overidentification

121  Temperament vs. Intentional Behavior

124  Temperament & the Craving for Electronics

128  Chapter Summary

Chapter 6.  Dealing with Negative Behaviors

131  Guilt & Shame

133  Moving Beyond Punishment to Empathy &   Authority

137  Hot Moments

139  Teaching Kids How to Calm Down

140  The Game Plan

144  Intentional Ignoring

148  Keeping It Simple

152  Diversions

154  Motivators—The Currency of Parenthood

161  Staying Neutral

162  Staying Present

165  More on Hot Moments

166  The Action Steps

169  Hot Moments—The Basic Steps

172  Chapter Summary

Chapter 7.  Reflective Moments

175  When to Reflect

176  Preview and Review—Good Times to   Reflect

176  Preview—Anticipating the Moment

181  The Review—Reflecting after the Moment

183  The Review

187  Motivating Kids for the Review

188  Time Outs & the Review

189  What & When to Review

191  Taking Responsibility

197  Chapter Summary

Chapter 8.  Adding Structure

200  Family Meetings

201  Reward Charts

203  Reward Chart Tips

205  The Treasure Box

205  School Charts

208  Chapter Summary

Chapter 9.  Feeling Good, Strong, and Happy

213  Self-Confidence

217  Resilience

219  Perfectionism & Happiness

228  Chapter Summary

Chapter 10. Family and Social Relationships

231  Sibling Roles

232  Sibling Conflict

235  The Two-Step Plan

236  Tips for Parents

237  Peer Relationships

240  Boundaries

244  Family Tone

246  Family Identity

248  The Value of Affection

251  Chapter Summary

Epilogue

Additional Books and Resources

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